Fauna Fatale

Etiquette

1. Safety first

I do everything I can to live a long, healthy, and wondrous life. I hope you are as enthusiastic about your own wellbeing as I am mine. Please let me know prior to our date if you have any allergies. This includes food, environmental, or contact allergies.

2. Courteous Conduct

What this looks like:

  • You are forthcoming with gifts.
  • You demonstrate your eagerness with a gift (20%1) to secure our date.2
  • The remainder of the gift3 is laid out in the open on the table or countertop when I arrive.

3. Good manners

  • I maintain discretion and expect you to do the same.
  • Please be well-groomed and showered. I would hate to cut into our quality time by asking you to freshen up.
  • If we have only connected online, expect to make organic conversation. Introduce yourself!
  • I don’t fare well with folks who are rude to waitstaff, are overly demanding, or pretentious.
  • If you need to cancel or reschedule our date, let me know at least 24 hours in advance.4
  • I am a very busy person. On the occasion you want to extend our date (and my schedule allows), please make sure you have my additional gift ready.
  1. The deposit (20% of total) can be sent via Cashapp or Throne. Please use non-suggestive emojis in the message portion. DO NOT allude to services or adult content—I will block you. ↩︎
  2. After we have agreed on a date and time, please send the deposit within the next 24 hours. ↩︎
  3. No digital gifts please! I like paper gifts in envelopes. ↩︎
  4. If you cancel less than 24 hours in advance, a gift of $200 for each hour of quality time we had planned is a sufficient way of apologizing. ↩︎
I’m ready to book my date with Fauna!

FAQ

1. Can we meet the same day I submit my information?

Possibly. I need at least 36 hours lead time from when you submitted your booking request. An additional gift of $200 is expected for rushed screening.

2. Can you come to my house, apartment, or Airbnb?

I do not visit new friends’ private residences, nor do I invite them into mine. I count on you to square away the accommodations booking.
I unwind best at venues that have a 3+ star rating. If you are unsure if a venue meets my expectations, just ask me.

3. Do you offer [explicit service]?

The gifts you give me are expressions of gratitude for my time and presence. I don’t tolerate lewd language in my inbox. (Gentlemen understand that kind of talk happens behind closed doors.)